i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
