You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
