last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
