He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
