Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I want her autograph on my taint
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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