she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize