It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
