i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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