just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize