K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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