Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
