I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
