Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
