I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
