you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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