I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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