Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
