$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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