I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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