Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
