I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
