it hurts more in the daytime
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
