Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
