Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
