They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
