Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
