I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You pole danced in your parka.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
