I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
