that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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