You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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