My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize