I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
BRING THE BAGELS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize