I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
