Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
