Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize