Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
