just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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