just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
