Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
