Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
