she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
