2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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