my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize