I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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