So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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