You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize