Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
