My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
