also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
