that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
