I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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