bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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