my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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