I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i love accidental penises.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
