No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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