she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
