Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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