never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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