its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
