spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
