Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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