i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just had sex on a roof
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
