my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Alive.
So much puke
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
