It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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