just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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