can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
