boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
