I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
