Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
